If You’re Not Enough Without It, You’ll Never Be Enough With It
Image: Alexandra Leese, Dazed Magazine Spring/Summer 2021
It is so important that as we wholeheartedly pursue our dreams and vision of life, that we uncouple our self-worth from the attainment of our desires. So my question for you is: what is your ‘it’? What is the desire that you most want to see fulfilled? The one that lights you up but that has also kept you up at night?
Take that desire and put it into the following statement: ‘If I’m not enough without __________, I’ll never be enough with it’
If I’m not enough without a romantic relationship, I’ll never be enough with it
If I’m not enough without a successful career, I’ll never be enough with it
If I’m not enough without my dream home, I’ll never be enough with it
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It’s so easy for our self-worth to become tied to our desires. This can be about ego: we think when I get this thing, then I’ll finally be perceived as important or special or wanted… or whatever our specific wounding tells us we’re not.
But I also think there is another element: our souls came here to experience certain things, whether that be being a parent or creating art that impacts society. When something is a soul desire we can get tunnel vision about it. Without realising, we’ve made it the centrepiece of our happiness and self-worth.
Years ago I met a girl who was engaged to be married. She had been with her partner for many years and seemed happily in love. As we were talking she mentioned how although she loved her partner and wanted to spend her life with him, she knew that even if they were to break up, she would be okay. She said this in a completely calm and matter of fact way.
If she had told me this a year earlier I would have found it hard to comprehend. I might have thought what she had with her partner wasn’t real love or that she was lying to herself. But because I had myself gone through the process of facing my fears and connecting with my self-worth - and was finally experiencing real, healthy love - I got it.
When you accept that you are already whole and enough without the things you want then two things tend to happen:
Those things flow into your life with way more ease as the energetic resistance falls away
When you do get what you want, you don’t live with the fear of losing it or fucking it up. There is a sense of freedom and inner security that can’t be touched.
This is why when I was creating my workshops on the energetics of love and money, I structured them in such a way that you would both be able to get crystal clear on what you want to draw into your life, clear the internal barriers to getting it and also identify how to start living from a place of confidence and self-love right now, rather than waiting for things to fall into place on the external level.
This isn’t about tricking yourself and pretending you’ve already got what you want, because that’s a surface-level, disembodied approach. Rather it’s about connecting with your innate wholeness and worthiness - truly feeling it and acting from it.
If we’re not enough without it, we’ll never be enough with it.
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If you feel the pull, I invite you to explore our self-paced online workshops here where you can also download our free guides on The Energetics of Love + Partnership and The Energetics of Money + Prosperity.
—Kat