Anger is Medicine. Here’s How to Embrace + Transmute It.

Image: Lonneke Engel by Bruce Weber for Vogue, March 1996

Anger is a word that feels uncomfortable, heavy and that can make us wince - particularly for those of us who were on the receiving end of another person’s anger growing up. 

These past few days I noticed some suppressed anger rising to the surface that I couldn’t ignore. This anger was being activated by small things; a comment made by a stranger on the street, a remark from my partner about something trivial.

The intensity of the feeling was definitely not proportional to the situation so I knew it signalled that it was coming from a deeper place; a younger place. Instead of shaming or judging myself for it, I decided to get curious about it. Here are the steps that helped me to embrace and transmute my anger and I think will help you too: 

1. Look underneath the anger

Anger isn’t us being irrational or crazy, it is an opportunity - and opening - for us to connect with an earlier pain and wounding.

Stored anger masks unprocessed grief. When we look underneath our anger we usually find grief that we are carrying from the times when we were treated unfairly, de-valued, disrespected… and when we felt powerless to do anything.

Most often, this comes from experiences in childhood with our caregivers or authority figures. You may never have been hit or physically abused but you may have felt controlled, silenced and repressed by someone who had power over you, which is damaging to our spirit. 

We can also be carrying the grief of others, which adds another layer to anger.

The memories of our ancestors are encoded in our DNA. Most of us don’t have to go far back in our lineage to find examples of oppression and mistreatment experienced by our family, particularly on the basis of their sex, skin colour, class etc. On a deep subconscious level we are still holding the grief of our ancestors who were denied their personhood and individuality, and did not have the opportunity to embody their power and heal their pain. 

It might sound a little scary or overwhelming to process these deep wounds, but it doesn’t have to be about throwing ourselves down a rabbit hole of healing and trauma work. We can simply start by practicing giving ourselves more love. 

One of my favourite exercises is to place my hands on my heart and to breathe into my heart space for a few minutes. I imagine sending myself love, compassion and reverence, and when I do this I feel a softening in my body. I am signalling to myself that I am safe and giving myself the space to feel whatever wants to come up, which I may not have had the space to fully feel before.    

2. Notice which ‘mode’ you go into when angry

Anger activates our sympathetic nervous system which takes us into our ‘fight or flight’ survival mode. Recognising which of these two nervous system responses we lean into when angry can give us information about how our thoughts and actions are being influenced by the state we’re in. For example:

Fight mode

When we are in ‘fight’ we might find ourselves being argumentative, trying to prove that we are right and dominate over the other person. We may raise our voice, lash out and say hurtful things. Physically and emotionally we prepare ourselves for attack.

Flight mode

When we are in ‘flight’ we close ourselves off. We may give the silent treatment or physically remove ourselves. We can have thoughts like ‘I don’t really need this person’, ‘I’m better off on my own’ and we feel like quitting or cutting off the relationship. 

While you might default more to one response, you can also find yourself switching between these responses. If we’re really disconnected from our anger (or it’s not safe for us to express it) then we might be stuck in the freeze response. We may feel flat or numb and even tell ourselves that we’re just not one of those people who gets angry. 

When we can recognise what’s happening to us on a nervous-system level when we are angry we create space between the emotion and the reaction. We’re able to take our thoughts less seriously and so we don’t spiral down a negative thought-feeling loop. As a result, we have more choice over our words and actions in the moment, and can respond from a more centred place. 

3. Remember your power  

Finally, we have to remember our power!

Anger can be a response to feeling powerless in some way, but staying in anger only keeps us stuck. One of the most transformative things we can do with our anger is to use our bodies to transmute the energy: a few rounds of breath of fire (bhastrika pranayama), exercises that increase our heart rate and make us sweat, alternating hot/cold exposure etc.

By tapping into the vitality and life-force of our bodies we not only bring ourselves back into physical balance, we remind ourselves of the vast reserves of power that lie within us.

Anger like any other emotion is ultimately information that our body and mind is bringing to our consciousness, so let’s get curious and work with it, not against it.

⎯ Kat