Enjoying the In-Between Space
Image: Anders Holmquist for Vogue Paris, 1971
Enjoy the space between where you’re going and where you are — Camila Ferreyra
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One of the questions I find myself reflecting on a lot lately is how we can make the space between where we are right now and where we want to be a rich, inspiring and joyful one, rather than one that’s defined by anxiety, dissatisfaction and impatience.
In his book The Code of the Extraordinary Mind, Vishen Lakhiani describes the ideal state of living as one where we have a bold vision of the future that pulls us forward but we are also happy in the now.
He describes how if we stray too far in one direction or the other it can negatively impact our sense of wellbeing: If we are purely living in the present without thinking about our future vision or goals, we may feel a lack of deeper meaning or fulfilment as we aren’t growing and evolving ourselves. But if we are too fixated on the future and our vision of it, we can become stressed and anxious as we wind up postponing our happiness to a later date.
So how do we strike the sweet spot between the present and the future, so that we feel filled up by our present reality yet also feel pulled by forward momentum? These are what I believe to be the key elements that allow us to fully enjoy the delicate in-between space:
Feeding Your Vision
Feeding our vision is all about committing to specific actions that build momentum towards the life we want. It’s not about doing things only when we’re feeling inspired but rather taking consistent, incremental steps in our desired direction. Regardless of whether we’re seeing the external rewards yet of our efforts, by doing the work we ensure two things:
First, we feel a sense of progress and pride in ourselves.
Second, we lay the groundwork for future blessings.
Private victories always come before public victories, and it’s worth regularly reminding ourselves of this. A few months back, I was having a conversation with an acquaintance who is a full-time artist. Already successful in his home country, he was telling me about his upcoming, and first, international exhibition which was going to be at an exclusive gallery in New York. I was impressed hearing this and for a fleeting moment I thought— this guy has it so easy.
And then I had to check myself.
Because the truth is, this acquaintance was already 10+ years into his art career. How many paintings did he create in that time? How many hours did he spend hunched over a canvass, developing his distinctive style and skills? How much confidence and faith did he have to cultivate in himself while his friends were getting secure, well-paid jobs and he was pursuing the uncertain, risky path?
While he is enjoying the public victories now, it wouldn’t have been possible without those private victories. So let’s redirect our focus away from the external results and validation, and instead keep it firmly planted on the daily, tangible actions that feed our vision.
Letting Go of Control
A hard but liberating truth: you can’t control the timing of life. Yes, you can set goals for yourself but ultimately you can’t control when you’re going to meet the right person, when your business will take off, or when you will have the family that you dream of. You can work on an inner and outer level to draw the right things to you, but you can’t dictate when it will fall into place. And trying to do so is a recipe for unhappiness.
That’s why it’s important that we don’t compare our path to others and fall into the thinking of ‘well it happened for her in X amount of time so that’s what I should expect’ or ‘she achieved this at X age so I should too’. I’ve been there and I can tell you, this type of thinking just breeds angst and a sense of inadequacy. It makes us feel behind in life and stops us from appreciating things as they are right now.
We have to allow our journey to be our own. We have to quit fixating on imagined timelines and instead trust that things are unfolding as they’re meant to, and that by continuing to believe in and invest in ourselves we will connect with what we are wanting— or something even better.
Nurturing Yourself
As we’re pouring time and energy into our vision, we also need to ensure that we are nurturing ourselves and weaving pleasure and beauty into our daily lives. We can do this through small, daily rituals. Rituals enhance our lives and allow us to enjoy the state of being.
Think of what makes you feel happy, soothed and filled up, and then ensure that you incorporate it in your day-to-day without exception.
It doesn’t have to be complicated— for me it means:
Making myself fancy teas
Practicing mindful and deep breathing
Taking myself on long walks
Reading
Lighting incense in the evenings
I’ve noticed the days that I skip my rituals because I feel like I don’t have the time are inevitably the days that I feel ungrounded, irritable and I have the most trouble falling asleep due to my nervous system being too activated.
It can be so easy to feel like we don’t have time for the small pleasures, or worse - to feel like we haven’t ‘earned’ them. But these pleasures are precisely what help us to stay connected to the richness of the present and make the ride a much more fun and enjoyable one.
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If you are feeling the pull to connect deeper with yourself in the realms of love or money, you can sign up to our online workshops on The Energetics of Love + Partnerships and The Energetics of Money + Prosperity. To get a glimpse into the archetypes of love and money that we delve into in the workshops, download our free guides by signing up here.
—Kat