On Personal Power: Are You Willing to Walk Away?
I was speaking with a friend recently and we were discussing how the dynamics of job interviews and dates can mirror each other. In both cases the person across from us, whether a potential partner or potential employer, is subconsciously assessing our value (and we should likewise be assessing theirs!)
Although different criteria are used, the same principle applies: Are we in our personal power or not?
Personal power is something that can feel elusive. We usually associate it with high confidence or charisma and so we tend to focus on the way we speak, act and appear in order to project more power. But it goes deeper than all these things. Personal power is really about the way we relate to people and situations. Do we come from a place of lack and neediness, or from a place of fullness and self-worth?
A simple way we can test this is to ask ourselves ‘Am I willing to walk away?’
Whether that be from a job, a relationship, an opportunity or interaction. When we are willing to turn down or leave something which is not aligned with our integrity or what we want people can feel it. And they respond accordingly: our value increases because we recognise it. We don’t have to shout it from the rooftops, it’s simply reflected in how we act.
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Of course, walking away in this context doesn’t mean jumping ship when things get hard or refusing to be vulnerable, as those behaviours are rooted in fear as opposed to self-worth. There was a time in my life where my mantra was to be ‘unbothered’ and while on the surface level I may have seemed confident, I definitely was not in my power. I was just ignoring my deeper emotions and pretending not to care.
This was avoidance, not power.
Being willing to walk away even when we do care is how we see true embodiment of personal power. For example:
Even though I feel a strong attraction and connection to this person, I’m going to let them go because they have shown they’re emotionally unavailable.
Even though this job pays well and I need the money, I will turn down the offer because the manager was dismissive and rude in the interview.
Even though I have invested years in this friendship, I’m bringing it to a close because this friend does not show respect towards my feelings.
If it feels too hard to walk away even when something is not in integrity with our needs and desires then we have get curious and ask ourselves why. Is it because we feel like the connection is so strong and special that we won’t find another one like it again? Is it because we think if we turn down this opportunity a better one won’t come along?
Maybe we’re holding onto the memories of how things were in the past and not acknowledging the reality of the present situation. Or maybe we just haven’t been taught that we’re allowed to put ourselves first.
Get clear on what that deeper belief, fear or conditioning is that’s making you feel like you need to compromise yourself. And start to practice saying no, tuning into what you deserve and honouring it. It will feel a little uncertain and shaky at first; you may have a bit of a freak out when you do stand firm in your needs and desires. But it will become second nature in time.
Personal power is a practice and it is a choice.
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If you are wanting to cultivate more personal power in the realms of love or money, you can download out our free guides on The Energetics of Love + Partnership and The Energetics of Money + Prosperity here as well as explore our online workshops. You will learn about the archetypes of love/money, clarify your true wants and needs, and unlock an empowered, new version of self.
—Kat