Why Positive Thinking Isn’t Working For You
‘Thinking is the mind’s attempt to solve itself. Thinking is how the mind tries to find a solution to a felt problem. But the problem is always an uncomfortable emotion. A state of feeling that we resist’
Source: @Emotional Releases (Instagram)
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There was a period in my mid-20s where I was experiencing a lot of emotional turmoil and anxiety and I kept looping in the same negative, self-critical thoughts: 'I'm not where I should be', 'I wish I had done things differently', ‘I’m not good enough’ etc. These thoughts caused me a lot of unhappiness and shame, and I didn’t know how to get rid of them.
I would, of course, try to change my thinking and focus on the positive but it didn't seem to have much effect; the heavy thoughts would inevitably return.
Then one day I walked past a massage shop and spontaneously decided to treat myself to a quick neck and shoulder massage. The massage was lovely, but what surprised me was that after I left the shop I noticed my usual thoughts were gone. It's like my brain was ready to start with the negative thinking loop but instead there was just stillness and calm.
Getting a massage wasn't the thing that ended up healing my anxiety and changing my life. But it was the first time that I experienced the power of actually moving beyond the rational mind and using the body (which up until then I had always been dismissive of) to emotionally regulate.
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For most of us, our journey of self-growth and healing starts by learning about how our thoughts influence the way we feel about ourselves and the power of having a positive mindset. While empowering, the 'think positive’, 'be high vibe' approach doesn't work as well as we're led to believe because it doesn't actually reflect the reality of our biology.
Our brains and bodies are constantly communicating with each other through electric signals. We tend to think that it's the brain that's in charge and the body is just following its command. But 80% of signals are actually sent from our bodies to our brains and only 20% of signals are sent from our brains to our bodies.
This means that if we are relying solely on our thoughts to create our desired emotional state, it's going to be much less effective than if we are actually drawing upon the body by noticing and feeling what is coming up in our bodies and moving that energy through us.
Positive thinking can be massively helpful but only once we're first feeling safe and grounded in our bodies. Trying to force positive or comforting thoughts on ourselves when our bodies are in a state of distress (i.e. fight, flight or freeze) can make us feel worse because it creates an inner conflict between our emotions and our mind which just adds to the tension we're holding within us.
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If you feel like you’ve been stuck in the same negative thinking patterns whether it concerns work, relationships or yourself then I invite you to start using the language of the body:
Breath
Sound
Movement
Touch
For example, when you notice your thoughts are feeling a little heavy you can do some conscious breathing patterns like the physiological sigh (two inhales followed by an extended exhale), give yourself a head and face massage (this feels seriously amazing!), or go for a walk and direct your focus to your surroundings. Practices such as this will calm and balance your nervous system and bring you back to the present moment.
Then when you’re in this space you’ll be able to look more clearly at your thoughts and where they're coming from (I recommend writing them down for more clarity). You’ll be able to relate to your thoughts with some distance and choose how you want to reframe them so that they are more supportive and empowering for you.
Remember: start with the body and then go to the mind.
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If you are wanting to connect with your body and deeper self in a potent yet safe way, you can learn more about breathwork and explore our 1:1 offerings here. I look forward to connecting!
—Kat